The Path to Happiness is Vulnerability

It’s hard, it’s uncomfortable and it’s completely necessary.

I love being a girl. But I thought it made me vulnerable.

I tried to balance my femininity with my desire to accomplish and achieve. In my twenties, I believed I had to do it alone. I believed I had to be tough if I was going to accomplish everything I wanted. My chosen profession was on Wall Street in a male-dominated environment. Everyone was smart and loud and tough. So I ramped up my take-no-prisoners attitude.

Every day felt like a battle and I was determined to win. The parameters I set for success were high and I barreled through each one. Pass the brokerage licensing test. Check. State licensing. Check. Placement with a high performing brokerage group. Check. Big paycheck. Check. Happy now? Not so much.

When you put up your guard, there is no room for exploration. You box yourself in and there is nowhere to go. Success becomes your prison.

My femininity was a deficit in my mind. Something to be overcome. Every time I faced a challenge and showed emotion, I felt weak.

Navigating life is no easy task. As adult women, there is an expectation to find success in a career that make us happy and fulfilled. We are supposed to have healthy relationships with our family and friends and our significant others. We strive to be good mothers, guiding our children just enough without over-parenting.

Life is a fine balance that we are expected to perfectly navigate like a gymnast on a balance beam. But more often than not, we find ourselves falling.

We set the bar for the life we want to have and often we get exactly what we want. So why aren’t we happy once we get there?

I had pushed through every obstacle in life and achieved or surpassed my goals. I fought for every inch and I won. I was smart, confident and busy with my full life.

But it was the constant battle that exhausted me; I always had my shield up, ready for anything. I thought that made me strong. I thought that made me wise. I thought I was protected from everything. The problem is, I was.

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